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The one about the duck… for Nettlecakes

Has Twitter seen off the shaggy dog story I wonder?  A conversation earlier today on Twitter led to a request for the full version of my favourite joke.  So here goes…. You’ll see it was too long for a tweet.

A man walks into a vet’s with a bag full of water with something floating in it.

“Hello,” says the receptionist “what have we got here?”

“Well” says the chap “I promised I would come back and see you on Thursday”

“Oh did you?” says the receptionist, “Why was that?”

The chap takes in a long breath and then starts his tale.

“I brought my duck, Heather, in to see the vet last week.  She wasn’t at all well, I was worried about her”

[If you’ve ever kept Muscovy ducks you’ll know it is very easy to get attached to them.  We only stopped keeping Muscovy ducks when the drake attached himself to one of the hens…but that’s a whole other story]

“The vet took a look at her and put her on the couch.  He listened to her heart with a stethoscope and shone a light into her eyes.  Then he turned to me and said he thought it was serious but first he needed to do a few more checks.  Well, first he called in a big black Labrador called Wick.  The dog put its front paws up on the couch, licked the duck’s face, sniffed a bit and walked out.  Then he called in a cat called Linnie, the cat leapt up onto the couch, looked side to side then up and down, coughed a bit and then walked out.

The vet went over to his computer tapped on the keys a bit and said he needed to keep Heather in overnight.  Reluctantly I let him as he assured me she could still make a full recovery.

So the next day I come back to the surgery to collect her.  Out comes the vet as pleased as punch with a large envelope in his hands.  What’s that says I.  It’s the bill says he.

Well at this point I nearly burst into tears; but I thought you said she would make a full recovery says I.  She did he says and hands Heather back to me.

Then I opened up the envelope and checked the bill.  What’s this says I; it’s rather a lot more than I expected.  This £147.00, what’s that for?  So he says it was for the Lab tests and the CAT scan.”

“Very good,” says the receptionist, “but how can I help you now?”

“Well, I didn’t have enough money on me, so I said I would come back on Thursday.  Today is Thursday so here’s the sick squid I owe him”.

(Re the names used – well you just happened to ‘float’ into the screen whilst I was typing – you know who you are)

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